Balance
by katyclismic
Summary: Finn's finally caught up with Rey on the island to train, but he's beginning to doubt he's really able to use the Force. But Rey points out something that could either save them or destroy them all... (One-shot.)


**Balance**

Still unused to solidity of the wooden doors that peppered the temple entrances, Rey jerked as Finn banged open the one leading into the dim, stone-walled kitchen. But this time the wind didn't appear to be the main culprit of the sudden thump of the door against the wall. Rey, mouth full, watched him with brows raised as he wrestled off his robes and dropped them and the training droid in a heap on the ground. He flung himself on the seat, glared at the ceiling for a second, and then leapt back up to slop some stew into a bowl from the pot over the coals.

He dropped himself and the lopsided wooden bowl down at the table, still full of glowering energy, and Rey hid a smile in another mouthful of bread. Finn attacked his lunch, with only the sound of chewing filling the room for a few minutes. Rey watched a play of expressions run over his face, subvocalized responses to the training advice he'd just received, making gestures with his fork for emphasis. Then he pointed a finger at her warningly, her smile having become too obvious.

After a swallow, she said, "It'll come." She did truly believe this, having seen what he could do with the lightsaber. "Last week you said you were almost getting it."

"An hour of nothing, followed by an hour and a half lecture about what I'm doing wrong." Finn snarled through a hunk of bread. "I don't think I'm built for this. Or maybe I used to be, but-" He trailed off.

Rey waited, but he didn't continue. She squinted at him. "But?"

"Listen," Finn cleared his throat and looked away. "Weapons were my whole life before, right? My whole _life_. That's what I do, what I'm good at." He took another minute to finish his stew. Rey let him put his thoughts together, chewing companionably.

"You'd think I should be having no problem. Clearing your mind, focusing, deep breaths - all of that is standard stuff. You get in the zone and you do what needs to be done." Finn blew out a breath and shoved his bowl away. "You stop feeling and start killing. I thought I was leaving that behind, you know? It feels _wrong_. My whole body is telling me it's a wall I don't want to break down."

Rey's eyebrows went up. She'd never had formal training before now - every ounce of skill she had earned through either scraps with other scavengers or whacking a rag-wrapped dummy in the evenings after dinner - but everything she had learned so far from Master Luke felt natural enough to her. She stacked her bowl on top of Finn's and took them to the stone washbasin. "It doesn't help you reach the Force? That's the only way _I_ can feel it."

He was shaking his head. "I don't know. It's there, but not in a way that I can use. That stupid droid sat there for an hour and didn't so much as twitch." He nudged it with his foot, scowling.

There was another long silence. Finally Finn muttered, "Maybe they broke me."

Rey walked over and, after a moment's hesitation, took his hand, not sure what else to say. His face lightened, but he still didn't meet her eyes directly.

They say for a moment, listening to the wind whistle through the holes in the eaves. "Stormtrooper conditioning is… intense. They've got machines, and doctors, and troops get constant reinforcement in the field. They're trying to erase any sense of feeling beyond loyalty and competition," Finn said, mouth flat. "Maybe my wiring got all screwed up, maybe permanently." He paused. "It wouldn't be wrong to call some of my former mates brain-damaged."

"But you're different; you're here. And not brain-damaged, except maybe for thinking that you might be," Rey said in a dry tone.

Finn chewed his lip, not answering for a while. "But is that enough? Maybe I lost whatever it is that allows you to use the Force."

"Being a Stormtrooper did not break your Force powers," Rey said, rolling her eyes. "Master Luke says you're starting training really late. And you're probably a first-gen Force user. It's not fair to compare yourself to me."

He studied her Padawan braid for a second, a tradition he hadn't followed. "I don't know. Maybe it's just… I don't want to use the Force if that's what it means. The First Order tried to grind out things like empathy and love and emotion, and now Master Luke is telling us the same things. But that's not who I want to be. I don't know if I can make myself go back to that."

Rey nodded, tentatively touching the rough fabric of his gi sleeve. "I wonder," she began, and smirked. At his quizzical look, she gripped his chin - a little too hard, but he wasn't going to argue - and said, "Look into my eyes."

Startled, his warm brown eyes met hers. There was a lot of simmering emotion there that Rey though for his sake was related to the training. "Imagine it's just us - we're flying the Falcon, we're free to go anywhere," she said softly.

He blinked and opened his mouth to argue, so she tapped him on the nose and gripped his chin again. The back of his neck tingled in the most pleasant way. "Now, lift up the droid," she said, eyes intent.

Finn found it very hard to concentrate with her face so close, but relaxed his focus and started a meditation exercise that Luke had been drilling into them since Finn arrived a month ago. Rey bopped him on the nose again, scattering his focus. "Just think about flying a thousand lightyears away," she ordered. "Just you and me. And maybe Poe and BB-8."

A snort not quite escaping, Finn thought about moving the droid.

It rolled off the pile of robes.

Finn stared at it suspiciously, while Rey sat back and cackled.

"It might have overbalanced," he protested. But hope was blossoming so quickly that he knew he was doomed if that were true.

"No, that was you," Rey said with a certainty that she hoped would soon be justified. She leapt to her feet. "Come on, let's go outside - I want to try something." Finn had a brief and extremely dirty thought about another kind of experiment they could try that left his ears burning. He was grateful that Rey was already on her way to the door.

The wind never seemed to let up at the temple, so both of them threw on their robes as they headed out. Rey floated the training droid above her as she led Finn up to the plateau just above the living quarters, maybe showing off her five extra months of training just a little.

They arranged themselves cross-legged on a level patch of grass, the training droid between them. Despite the impatience she felt from Finn, Rey took her time to begin. The wind whipped around them, robes fluttering and strands of hair plastering themselves across Rey's face. The view of the sea was partially blocked here by the ruins of the old temple and massive upthrusts of basalt, but made itself known in the salt tang of the air and the muted rumble of the waves far below.

"I know about your desire, Finn," she began, then went pink at Finn's look. Finn coughed and try to regain his serious demeanor. "Your desire for _connection,_ " she said firmly, "to those that you can trust. Master Luke says that the Jedi way is to avoid desire, but I think for you it might be different.

"He keeps saying we're all connected through the Force, both Light and Dark. Dark force users are… passionate, emotional. But it's fear and hatred that's the danger. I want to know if you can use the pull of connection based on friendship and hope to tap into the Force without spiraling into the dark."

Finn was frowning by the time she finished speaking. "I don't know if it works that way. I mean, I've heard myths about how the Sith were trained, and it's pretty dark stuff, Rey."

She bared her teeth a little. "Believe me, I… got that sense as well." The skin between her shoulders crawled as she remembered the flashes she had caught so briefly from Kylo Ren. "Nothing like that. Negative emotions are often stronger, but why couldn't you use positive emotions too? Like when we met on Jakku? Or, or, think of Poe."

Finn shot her a bemused look. "Well, I don't want to make it awkward next time I see him and his boyfriend."

She poked his knee with the toe of her boot. "Just as a friend. How you felt when you were a team. Think of your talks with General Organa when you were recovering. Of Chewbacca when he finally gave you a hug. Of BB-8." They shared a smile.

"All right, I think I've got what you're saying." FInn closed his eyes, concentrating. Remembering.

"That time that we were flying through the graveyard of ships - how you nailed that last fighter. When you realized Poe was alive. Having BB-8 call you a friend." Her voice was soft, coaching him through memories.

The glee in her voice over the headset when he blasted the First Order fighters. That terrible moment when she was being carried away into Kylo Ren's cruiser. When he found her again, climbing around like a tree lizard. Giving her his coat on Starkiller base. When he saw her again on the island, after he was finally cleared by the medics to travel.

Joking around with Poe, challenging him to dejarik and losing badly. General

Organa, so kind and so much like a mother he might have had that it made his throat ache. Big, gruff Chewbacca, at loose ends without Han.

"Far away but still connected, still tied to you. Your family. Can you feel it?"

It was practically humming around him now. Finn opened his eyes and flexed his fingers, tingling like he was inches away from a force field, or like right after a heavy volley from a blaster.

"Now lift the droid," Rey said.

Finn dropped his gaze and turned his focus to the droid. It rolled, jerked back, and shot into the air about ten feet. Finn whooped in triumph, and then flinched as it landed heavily back on the grass, denting it about three inches from his boot.

Rey's eyes were shining, her grin seeming to take up most of her face. "That's it. That's your path to the Force."

"That was amazing," FInn laughed, relief flooding through him at the realization that he wasn't broken. Then his face clouded over. "Tapping into emotion - I don't think Master Luke's going to like this idea. At all."

"Well, I'll just have to give him an earful." Rey grinned, but there was also a seriousness in her eyes. "You can love people without letting fear take over. You don't want to control the people around you, right?" Finn wrinkled his nose in distaste. Rey shrugged. "There you go, then. Just don't do that."

"Maybe we need to wait. I want to work on this more before approaching him," Finn cautioned. The idea that Luke might try to kill him as a preventative measure before he could turn to the Dark side wasn't completely off the table. Even Finn would admit his life so far had mostly been governed by fear. Rey nodded grudgingly, but made him promise to practice with her again the next day.

The flame of hope flared, caught, and refused to be dampened. Finn felt ten pounds lighter, even as the task ahead loomed like a thundercloud.

The wind whipped the plateau as they left, tossing leaves but leaving untouched two faint outlines, so light they could be a shimmer from the sea spray.

 _And back here again the prophecy circles._

 _Prophecies don't circle - this is a direct cause of the Council's mistake with Anakin._

 _Think this one is so different, do you?_

 _A thousand years of history speaks against it, and Luke is one Jedi, and near broken... but we have been surprised before. Though I fear what lies ahead for these two, big as their hearts may be. The evil they face is a virulent, consuming thing._

 _Hope they will do what they can, we must. Good to finally rest it would be._

 _I hardly dare hope._


End file.
